After learning that something I’ve been looking forward to for months might not pan out for me, I was overcome with a sense of sadness and disappointment. I wanted to have that opportunity so badly because I knew it was not only going to make me a stronger student, but a more kind and competent person overall. The opportunity frightened me a bit because I doubted my ability to teach others, but a part of me was looking forward to an exciting new challenge. Unfortunately, due to unexpected timing issues, the position will have to be given to someone else.
So what do you do when your hopes are crushed and you can’t help but feel like things are stacked against you?
For me, I write. I write until my emotions start to make sense and I get an idea of how to work through them.
I won’t tell myself some useless cliche like “everything happens for a reason” or “it will all work out in the end.” I simply don’t believe the universe operates in a way that revolves around me and frankly, I don’t find those words helpful in the least. If you find comfort in such things, more power to you. However, it’s not for me.
The way I see it, certain events take place regardless of my desires, and some of them are just out of my control. Will another opportunity like that come my way again in the future? Maybe, maybe not. That’s not something I can logically predict but I’m hopeful it will.
That’s honestly all I can do.
I’ll let myself experience the full extent of my disappointment, write it all out, move forward with my day, and wish for the best.
Life still has many surprises in store for me and that I know for sure.
I’m thankful to have been highly recommended for the job. I’m thankful to have gotten the chance to job shadow, and I’m thankful that so many people believed in me. Knowing people think highly of me is a great confidence boost that I can carry with me for years to come.
It’s unfortunate that timing would not have allowed me to drop my current obligations just yet, but I’m thankful that the position will be given to someone I also have the utmost confidence in–and on short notice too. I care about the people in the program and would have worked hard to make it a success, but there’s no doubt in my mind it will be in good hands.
For now, I still have shorter term goals to tackle so I will immerse myself in those things until life throws me another curveball.